They loved each other and lived happily. This is how the beautiful, fabulous relationship is described in the books. However, life is not so smooth and fine. Love is not the only reason for entering into a relationship.
Unforeseen circumstances, the external pressure, complexes, fears are also able to drive two people under one roof, sometimes these people are very different. If the relationship has not passed the stage of gradual, slow convergence, the tale turns into a sad true story. Relationships become “a suitcase without a handle” – it’s hard to bear, but you still don’t want to leave it… Could it have been avoided? Yes! If you know in advance the true reasons for your passionate desire to get married and say: “Stop – this is a fake!”
What leads to unhappy relationships?
1. Escape. In families, where each step is controlled, and “education” is provided through humiliation, criticism, punishment, children try to leave the parental nest at the first opportunity. But it is scary there, outside the house. Parental negative attitudes have already been internalized. The world seems to be a terrible and ruthless place. There is a solution – to escape into a new family, transferring responsibility for their fears to another person. Such a union is created not on the desire to be happy, but on a desire to escape from family pressures. Invalid background makes marriage unhappy, full of mutual claims and contradictions.
2. Loneliness. Not all are able to feel self-sufficient, successful and self-confident. Some spend a huge amount of effort to find a “soul mate.” And in most cases it is not about love, but rather the desire to pay off their internal conflicts. “That will be a woman who will love me and everything in my life will improve,” – this is the most common misconception. A man who can not live in peace with himself and quietly endure the loneliness, can not maintain the necessary balance between his own and other people’s interests. He becomes dependent on the partner and tries to restrain him, even using blackmail or suggestion of guilt.
3. Immaturity. Once inside the passions are raging and relationships are shrouded in a cloud of romance, reality recedes. However, it lasts as long as a pregnancy test will return loved ones back on the ground with the stark reality. If relations are being unobtrusive dates, many couples come to confusion. What to do? The former romance gives way to suspense. Real actions and inner maturity come at the forefront. You get fewer beautiful words and theatrical gestures. Now it’s time to think about some important things. Frequent reproaches: “You used to be different!” It is not surprising that almost 90% of marriages end in divorce.
4. Society. Like it or not, there is more sympathetic to family people in a society. Never been married? Strange. He was not married? It is clear that something wrong with him. Some people find it very difficult to live, constantly justifying his “unusual behavior”. Wherever a loose person is, he is faced with monotonous reaction: “well, when?”, “why?”, “how much can you go single”, “you lose a lot”, “children is the meaning of life”, “time is running out.” And how many regrets heard from the dearly loved parents. Some can not stand, choose the most acceptable option and make themselves miserable.
5. Past grievances. Wounded pride is capable of the craziest things. Parting with the insulting past does not work, and it continues to impose new realities. It should be in no matter what proven to themselves and former partner, that it is not so bad. And the next relationships are an organized show. One partner is under the illusion that finally has found happiness, and the second is looking for ways to show the former partner that he has an “ideal life” and arranges a photo shoot, posts romantic places in the social networking, in parallel trying to cram a new partner in his expectations, to find similarities with the past. Such relationships are extremely unstable. “The Avenger” is playing a happy family life, then find himself alone in the bedroom arranging hysterics and hates his current partner. Neither one nor the other party in such a relationship does not attain happiness.
6. Pity. There is a category of people, especially women, who slightly different boundaries between love and pity. When they meet destitute, unkempt, starving people, they rush to help them. The maternal instinct turns on and nothing can tear them away from the ward. Sacrificing their own interests, health, wiping away tears and obscuring bruises, they can stay with an alcoholic, a drug addict, a tyrant for all their life. At first glance, such a relationship seems to be absurd. But each of the partners sees his benefits. One gets the necessary subservient while the other is trying to escape from his problems.
If you are now faced with a choice, and haven’t found your option among these reasons – do not rush! Think about what such a relationship will give you? You are running from what? Get familiar with your internal conflicts. What prevents you to relax and to wish yourself a real, sincere love?
If you have difficulty during the search for the reasons, you can always seek help from professional psychologists. Together you are much faster and easier to eliminate the source of your internal disorder.
Remember, life is given only once. Time cannot be bought. Appreciate the love and be loved!