What men should know
Most important to men is to not make a long-term decision about having a relationship/marriage with a woman while he is mesmerized in the hormonal and romantic “Infatuation Spike”, when her appearance, scent, touch and taste he finds intoxicating, when she consumes his thoughts. Wait until this passes before making a long-term commitment. Also, do not believe a woman’s words. Women have a way of being beguiling, seductive, of telling men what they want to hear to get what they want.
As a man you need to find out what a woman really wants out of life, what her passions are, what is important to her, what causes her to feel loved and unloved, secure, how she handles money, if she has shared values and interests personally and professionally, if she is loyal, faithful, a team player, reasonably organized, is kind, free of addictions, healthy physically, mentally and emotionally, if she has and operates daily with Christian ethics, takes Proverbs 31 seriously, and if she loves being in her feminine, a co-pilot, a team player. What and how much baggage is she carrying – emotional, financial, commitments, children, grandchildren, toxic ex-spouse? Will she respect you, not hassle you, be a companion to you, and keep herself attractive and warm emotionally and sexually? Can you communicate and laugh together? Is spending time with you more important than whatever it is you are doing together? Do you feel like you can be yourself around her and still feel loved and accepted? Does she enthusiastically support your personal and professional interests?
Find out what her mother is like, how her mother interacted with her father, discovering the dynamics of her model for a husband/wife relationship. Most important is discovering what her relationship was like with her father during her formative years, when she was growing up. A woman, who as a little girl, felt loved and safe with her father, who saw her father’s arms as the most secure, loved and wise place she could ever be, is a woman whose formative programming is to find a man she can trust, follow, love and take care of her, cherish her, a man she can respect and adore like she did her father. Such women today are rare, but worth their weight in gold.
If you want to find out what you have really got, what a woman is about at core, put her in a situation where she doesn’t want to be there, when she is tired, feels ugly, whatever it is you are doing is not her thing. Then you will find out what you have really got. You need a woman who sticks and works to make things better when times get tough in life, as they inevitably do.
At the end of the day, the only reason to have a specific woman in your life, particularly a wife, is because she makes your life much better than it is on your own or with any other woman. Otherwise, she is not worth the time, effort or money.
What women should know
Now let’s talk about woman. Yes, I know you like to read men magazines as well! So, this paragraph is for you. Men are designed by God physically, emotionally, mentally and psychologically to lead! Anything else will use you up and burn you out eventually as a woman – spiritually, mentally, emotionally and/or physically, if not financially.
That is the way God designed it. That is the way it will be anyway sooner or later.You are designed as an infrated receiver and to be a helpmate and companion for a man, personally and proffesionally. Anything else is dysfunctional and will not work long term. Why do you think so many men end up marrying their secretaries? Duh! Because the secretaries are the helpmates who meet their needs and like being junior partners/co-pilots to the men (bosses) personally and professionally! So, make sure the man you pick has the same values, and likes to do many of the same things you like to do, personally and professionally, and also supports you in your areas that are different, but complementary to his.
Do not believe the romance and courting lies of Hollywood, or buy into the short term pleasures of it personally. It does not have the grounding to carry a relationship through the trials and tribulations of life. All the romantic fluff will go away anyway (unless you are wise enough to positively continually reinforce it in a man by meeting his needs, too), and you will be wrongfully disillusioned and shocked when he reverts to being who he is, and he will. Count on it! You know the phrase, “The honeymoon is over.” Well, duh! Of course, it is over! We all have to live in the real world. And the bottom line is whether you will be there for him, for better or worse, in sickness or in health, for richer or poorer, until death takes one of you, and whether HE has the character and grit and commitment to be there for you under the same conditions and sacrificial commitment. Make no mistake about it. Life comes down to these hard time conditions where the only thing that counts is sacrifice and commitment. And if you do not have someone in your foxhole of life with you who is a sacrificial and committed giver, someone who has class, then forget it. You are wasting your time with a Good Time Charlie (or Charlene)! And the cost of that is way too high!
Therefore, you need to keep quiet, let a man lead, to see if you like fitting into HIS personal and professional lifestyle, and if your life is enriched by it. If so, stick, if not, leave. That is the bottom line. That is what works long term in a healthy sense. And that is what you are going to get anyway long term in a relationship. God will not be mocked. And the relationship evidence confirms this truth time and time again.
What you, as a woman, need to look for in a man front end to protect yourself is:
- Whether the man can give more than he gets;
- If he values honor and respect more than sex;
- If he can keep his word and commitments and is sacrificial;
- If he can provide for, defend, cherish, love and lead you, and you can willingly follow his lead because it fulfills your personal and professional needs as they align with his;
- If he is sound psychologically and physically;
- If he can handle his money responsibly and has no addictions or violent tendencies;
- If he has a solid Christian value base to guide him, and subjects himself to godly rules and a Higher Authority that he is obedient to consistently.
Look at his track record personally and professionally. Look at how he spends his time and money and with whom. Look at his family and family history as he grew up. This will, in nearly all cases, tell you who he is and what you are getting.
Choose a man the same way you would choose a job and a boss to work for intimately. If you cannot with a happy heart sacrificially serve him and be his godly helpmate, and like what he does personally and professionally; if you cannot refrain from criticizing him, telling him he is wrong, and giving him unasked for advice; if you cannot stay in your feminine with him; if you cannot call him your lord and love it because he has your heart and you respect him; walk away. Save yourself and him needless time, money and grief. Find a man where you can be junior partner/co-pilot and love it, because you will destroy yourself (and him) if you do not have such a man who can lead and cherish you and give you more than you reflect back, and also stand up to you and say “no”, and make the final confident decision when the chips are down. You will destroy yourself, your relationship and him if you cannot willingly
follow his lead. You have to be happy being #2, the junior partner, the co-pilot. The wonderful part is, if as a woman you do these feminine supportive things, the romance will get better and better with age and the man will be more eager to please you! You will become a queen to your king!
The fact that so many marriages and relationships fail today is because men and women do not follow this godly formula that works, backed up by proven relationship data. Up until the 1900s in the USA, young American men, after they finished their apprenticeship for their trade and work, prayed, “Now, Lord, bring me the woman you have prepared to help me in the calling you have given me.” The modern man and woman expect a relationship to be a romantic fantasy – Wrong! Such turns out to be a horror movie! A happy relationship has a solid commitment/covenant, grounded and nurtured by a strong man, and also romance.