It is believed that quarrels with our loved one complicate and spoil our lives. That it would be great to find a girl who would never contradict and create scandals! On the other hand, maybe quarrels are an integral part of human relationships? Let’s try to understand it.
Imagine you came home from work, which held, for example, 12 hours of hard work. You want to sleep, eat, drink, take a shower, but you don’t have enough of strength to take off your shoes. And here she stands near you: there are tears in her eyes and her face demonstrates anger. Yes, you have completely forgotten that today is the 150th anniversary of the first kiss, you were supposed to celebrate it in her favorite sushi bar. Now, instead of having a deserved rest, you have to listen to the lamentations that you messed up at least the evening, while the maximum – “the best years of her life”. Case ends in tears, mutual abuse, promise to go to her mother, the grim prospect of sleeping on a sofa. And in that moment, when you are exhausted from abuse decided to go see your friend, you notice her: her bathrobe wide open, her hair disheveled, cheeks are burning. At the sight of this Amazon voluntary surrender is inevitable. One stormy scene follows another, this time in bed. Common situation?
American scientists have found that in average couples quarrel two hundred ninety-eight times a year. And according to the polls, an unpleasant clash is followed by a very pleasant sex. This phenomenon has long been dubbed a separate term. Such a phenomenon as «make-up sex» (sex for reconciliation) has movies, songs and even pages in social networks dedicated to it. The results of numerous sociological studies have shown that many couples find sex after a quarrel to be bright, rapid and more pleasant than usual. It is not surprising, because it was at the time of the battle, when it would seem that the partners are ready to tear each other apart, the level of testosterone and dopamine (“desire” hormone) in the blood is increased. The conflict heats up and increases sexual desire and often is an excellent substitute for foreplay.
Scientists say that for many of us making love after falling out is so nice that sometimes we provoke a quarrel on purpose. Psychologists have found several reasons why we have to give birth to the family drama.
One of the key factors is the so-called Nero syndrome. According to scientists, about 10% of modern men suffer from it. As is known, the Roman Emperor Nero has not a mild temper and had no love for mankind. He treated concubines very rudely, he did not hesitate to swear, and sometimes could even pull their hair. These games aroused the desire of the Emperor. Some of the stronger sex are subjected to this sexual deviation: rough sex for them is possible only after the attempt to take out aggression. As a rule, after the outbreak of anger a person with the syndrome of Nero repents and asks for forgiveness. It is believed that this syndrome is inherent in men with low potency: quarrel affects them almost like a drug that causes an erection.
Not only despotic “followers” of the Roman emperor consider sex after a quarrel to be pleasant. The most common pairs, which are simply bored with too smooth, peaceful relations can sometimes start a row because of “love of art”. In this case, the quarrel is a kind of sexual role-playing game, in which the woman often plays the role of an angry Valkyrie: and what could be sexier than a woman in anger? Moreover, in such cases a quarrel has the effect of distance: partners move away from each other for some time and become strangers to each other. And sex with a stranger is one of the most common erotic fantasies. Thus, their former passion, which the couple has experienced during their first intimate contact returns. By the way, psychologists have noted that men are more likely to provoke such “role play” than women.
Another reason why we love cocktail “quarrel + sex” lies in our temperament. If one of the lovers has more passionate character than the other, it is possible, while making love, he does not get enough pleasure. To somewhat cool his ardor, he needs some drama. Thus, it resets the voltage and at the same time gives the opportunity to initiate emotions. Of course, all this is happening on an unconscious level. Men are often not aware that they provoke a scandal in order to improve the intimate relationship.
A tiff also allows you to throw out the accumulated energy. And this in turn makes it possible to easily discuss and solve some problems and to strengthen your relationships. Some scientists even argue that a couple who often quarrel over trifles stay together for a longer time.
However, psychologists advise not to abuse the scheme ‘quarrel-truce-sex.” Not always you both are equally willing to play “Nero and a concubine.” Before provoke a new quarrel, make sure that the partner likes this kind of relationship. Not all people feel very excited after the skirmish, it may even cool down the passion. Often women need more time to get over it and stop thinking about the conflict. But for men quarrel may cause problems with erection. Frequent quarrels, a constant feeling of threat and uncertainty in the relationship may adversely affect potency.
Also, if partners always need an extra incentive before going to bed, they should think about it. Perhaps something went wrong in the relationship. Of course, «make-up sex» is a great way to come to a peace agreement, but do not overdo it. After all, the bed is only one side of the relationship. And it is dangerous to start a quarrel just for the sake intimate scenes. Sex will not be able to eliminate all the problems of couples, and sooner or later they will have to solve their problems.